The Right Now.

If you ask anyone who knows me really well, they'll tell you I'm really spiritual (not religious), and very into appreciating the here and now. But that wasn't always the case. And although I still care very much about the future (2 kids, 2 puppies, a mansion and/or penthouse plus a yacht [at 12, I named this hypothetical yacht for my Daddy...it'll happen, watch], a booming career and eternal happiness, naturally), I decided awhile ago that you can't choose the future at the expense of Now.

That probably doesn't sound like a novel idea. But it's different. It's a feeling. My sister calls it the Right Now. She usually says it, and falls to the ground. I would too, if I didn't think people would be concerned about my seizures coming back. ha. ha? lol

I think in terms of "what-ifs." Not "what if" I didn't do this. I have very few regrets in my life. But "what if" something happened tomorrow. You wouldn't want to waste today. You wouldn't even want to be sad today. You wouldn't want to have hung up the phone without saying I love you. Or have walk away without saying that you mean THIS much to me.

So it's partially about fate, partially about love. I don't necessarily believe everything happens for a reason. I can't justify tragedy. The worst thing to hear when someone you loved has passed is "everything happens for a reason." It doesn't. It's irrational and unfair, and logic just gets in the way of passion. But I do believe that people walk in your life for a reason. I think everyone serves a purpose in making you, you. Granted, it might not matter who is walking past you on the street. But it matters whom you meet in your building, your classes, the people you befriend, the people you come to trust and care about. And who knows? That random high school kid sitting at your volleyball game, just might become your first real love in 3 years.

The best thing about the way I think is that I truly believe it's because I'm so blessed. The older I get, the more I realize that there is little I want for. Family to care for you, friends to laugh with you, ability to make opportunities, and love to get you through it. What else do you need, really.

It's a good feeling knowing that no matter what happens in your life, you're always going to have part of another person with you. Someone you've loved with all your heart, and have really come to respect and admire. You never know what's going to happen. Logic and reason won't always go your way. One day, everything you know could be gone. Maybe it should be gone. And maybe, that day, it will be okay. Maybe my theory is wrong. Maybe things happen for a reason. Each person might really be a mere chapter in your life. A lesson. But there are no guarantees. There's life. And you only have one.

From the 12th until the 18th, I spent a week with my best friend. Laughing, learning and dreaming. And that's all that really matters.
"But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who has ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough." - The Notebook