Tears & Rain

I'm two months and three days from graduation.

Four years ago, I was just hearing back from colleges, trying to decide where I wanted to go, and preparing to leave home for the first time. A year and a half ago, I chose to leave Berkeley and move to D.C. to work, take classes, and go on five months of adventures with my best friend. One year ago, I decided I would leave my dream internship in May to go back to LA and take LSAT classes. Tonight, I'm supposed to be writing my honors thesis, but I can't focus to save my life because on May 1st, I have to decide where I'm moving in five months. For three years.

In some ways, I feel like I was just coming to Berkeley for the first time yesterday. So nervous about my overnight stay program, and thinking that this city was probably the last place on earth I wanted to live. But that was so long ago. These four years have changed everything, and I'm finally well on my way to everything I've ever wanted.

Around this time in 2006, I was sitting in the backseat of my dad's car, thinking I had never been so unsure about anything in my entire life. As we were driving up University, James Blunt's "Tears and Rain" came on, and four minutes and four seconds later, I decided I wanted to be a Cal Bear. To this day, it was the most irrational decision I've ever made. But it was one of the best.

Seven weeks exactly until I need to decide. And after four years of not hearing it, Tears & Rain is playing again.

He said, She said.

The longest "you had to be there" recollection ever.

My Office:

"Senator ____, from...no, wait. What's that other sh**hole state?" - P

"Deepa, I'm going to work you til you break. No wait. Let me rephrase that." - Intern Coordinator

"...oh amanda, bet the panda is lookin less odd now, cuz hes in dc with sen ___! now u spend your day transcribinnnnn and mike gets so bored he cant stopp rhyminnnn. ohh amandaaa, dont you wish you were a pandaaa, so when we walked to lunch creepy senators wouldntt glare at yaaaa. ohhh amandaaaa too bad youre not a panda!!" - Mikey T. (edited to be politically correct)

"How's Banking [Committee]?" - R
"Sh**y? I don't know if you've heard but we're having some setbacks." - N

" [Press Secretary] just made Nicole vomit. As in, he walked up to her and she immediately threw up." - J

"It's sad little things like that make you happy." -P to me

"I wouldn't do that Amanda. They'll come and take you, and you'll have to get fingerprinted again." - M

"I draw the line at cupcake defrosting." - Mikey T.

"I can't imagine what you did to deserve that karma!" -R
"I must have killed someone in a past life."- Me
"Or like 20 someones" - R
"Or like an entire orphanage."- Me Referring to having to deal with someone at work.


The Apartment:

"You're the type of person whom if I listen to, I end up in a coma." Kala to Megan

In response to someone getting excited about a tour, "Ooookay. Have fun with all the people from Kentucky." - Krisse

"I really don't care what a man has to say about the subject." - Krisse on FOCA

"F___, F ___, F___" - Kala, after we gave up profanity for Lent

"Yeah, all of UCDeeDeeDee is downstairs in the computer lab." - Dave about all the quarter kids who haven't started their research for their analysis due next week.

As Valentino is being interviewed Live on E!, "Didn't he die a few months ago?" - Kat

"...well because my firm represents the Homeownership Prevention Society. No, Preservation Foundation. You know, 888995HOPE." - Dave

"God. I'm too decent...I'm like Noah Calhoun." -Dave

"I'm going to fail their asses." -my theater professor whispering to me at a play

"HA. No way. Trouble is attracted to you like a magnet." - Mom

"It isn't mine! It's hers!" - My sister's boyfriend running into my mom carrying cases of beer.Apparently northeastern blizzard isn't reason enough to shut down the federal government.

No Senator, that is not how I got this necklace.

So this morning I was motivated to look through all of the jewelry I brought with me, which included lots of gorgeous necklaces, bangles, etc that my parents have given me over the past year. Among those, was this beautiful gold pearl necklace my mom gave me for Christmas. The idea was that I would use it to accent what was bound to be a basically black suit day-to-day outfit. I stand there debating whether or not to wear it, and then think, sure. I have hearings with the Fed chairman today plus a press conference in the Capitol to announce four new acts. As any good Southern Californian would...I think, it's an exciting day, I need color.

As I take off my jacket to go through security (ps. capitol police, not so cute and cuddley today), one of the other interns I work with reminds me it's Mardi Gras.

...Mardi Gras, and I'm wearing what looks to be colored beads. I would accidently make a decision like this. Tragically hysterical. And an LC in my office felt it was necessary to tell me that if the hearing I needed to go to was full, I could always throw the senators my beads. Presh Ryan.

Mardi Gras highlights:

*I stood in line outside the hearing because the line was short and although I went with another intern in my office, I felt bad pulling the My Boss or Press cards because we knew other people in line. But then Drew (from that Committee) walked up, looked around and said "What are you doing in line?" If we didn't get in, we were to find him and he'd have us sit behind the senator. Drew is my new best friend.
...turns out, we sat pretty close to and behind Bernanke. When else am I ever going to do that in my life?
*Went to the Senate gallery to watch the debate over Solis.
*Played several rounds of Name That Congressperson...which I've decided is nearly impossible over on the House side. Rachael and I are considering making flashcards.
*Press conference in the Capitol, to which I went early and brought a hefty flag to cover the mirror behind the podium (media people hate mirrors behind speakers). I looked so sketchy picking up and taking apart the flag outside our front office...made friends with Capitol Police making jokes about how I was forcing bipartisanship by walking between cloak rooms with a flag, and I was saluted several times in and out of the subway.
*Watched the "Address to Congress," felt bad for my really tired boss...and then had a laughing fit over the "Republican Response." Perhaps next time, you guys should hold auditions. He speaks in complete sentences, and I realize this is an improvement from your latest "success," but he was on all the major news shows of the night. Not Reading Rainbow. Although I enjoyed it and would actually appreciate it if he stuck around.

This is my completely unrelated, yet favorite picture of the night.

Time for bed. Goodnight, and good times.

The Right Now.

If you ask anyone who knows me really well, they'll tell you I'm really spiritual (not religious), and very into appreciating the here and now. But that wasn't always the case. And although I still care very much about the future (2 kids, 2 puppies, a mansion and/or penthouse plus a yacht [at 12, I named this hypothetical yacht for my Daddy...it'll happen, watch], a booming career and eternal happiness, naturally), I decided awhile ago that you can't choose the future at the expense of Now.

That probably doesn't sound like a novel idea. But it's different. It's a feeling. My sister calls it the Right Now. She usually says it, and falls to the ground. I would too, if I didn't think people would be concerned about my seizures coming back. ha. ha? lol

I think in terms of "what-ifs." Not "what if" I didn't do this. I have very few regrets in my life. But "what if" something happened tomorrow. You wouldn't want to waste today. You wouldn't even want to be sad today. You wouldn't want to have hung up the phone without saying I love you. Or have walk away without saying that you mean THIS much to me.

So it's partially about fate, partially about love. I don't necessarily believe everything happens for a reason. I can't justify tragedy. The worst thing to hear when someone you loved has passed is "everything happens for a reason." It doesn't. It's irrational and unfair, and logic just gets in the way of passion. But I do believe that people walk in your life for a reason. I think everyone serves a purpose in making you, you. Granted, it might not matter who is walking past you on the street. But it matters whom you meet in your building, your classes, the people you befriend, the people you come to trust and care about. And who knows? That random high school kid sitting at your volleyball game, just might become your first real love in 3 years.

The best thing about the way I think is that I truly believe it's because I'm so blessed. The older I get, the more I realize that there is little I want for. Family to care for you, friends to laugh with you, ability to make opportunities, and love to get you through it. What else do you need, really.

It's a good feeling knowing that no matter what happens in your life, you're always going to have part of another person with you. Someone you've loved with all your heart, and have really come to respect and admire. You never know what's going to happen. Logic and reason won't always go your way. One day, everything you know could be gone. Maybe it should be gone. And maybe, that day, it will be okay. Maybe my theory is wrong. Maybe things happen for a reason. Each person might really be a mere chapter in your life. A lesson. But there are no guarantees. There's life. And you only have one.

From the 12th until the 18th, I spent a week with my best friend. Laughing, learning and dreaming. And that's all that really matters.
"But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who has ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough." - The Notebook

Apparently Gettysburg is in Pennsylvania

This is for everyone at home who has been teasing me about being the California girl facing the east coast.

This was my first day in the snow, heading to Capitol Hill. Apparently my apartment-mate felt it needed to be documented. My friends calls this the 'sad panda' look.


Today Krisse, Alex, Jessie and I went to Gettysburg (with 50 or so other people we don't know). And it took me until I was on the bus to realize that we were going to Pennsylvania. It took about an hour and a half to get there, and after we watched a film (during which I kept falling asleep thanks to Slumdog MIllionaire last night), we spent over 2 hours on the battlefield. I can't even tell you. It was so crazy to be there standing there. This included a completely inaccurate reenactment of the battle, including us shooting Alex with a cannon and nearly falling off the side of Little Round Top. No big.



If there's one thing I've learned since moving here, it's that this country is amazing. It sounds so corny, but I really mean it. There's no where like this in the world, and despite the last 8 years of crap we've dealt with, the basis of the United States is nothing short of remarkable. I go running past the Washington monument, through Jefferson, FDR, the Korean War, and Lincoln memorials--and I can't help but think about how lucky I am. Here I am, going to work in the U.S. Senate every morning. A biracial, young woman and today, I can make a difference. Life is good.

On a less serious note, we had two hours to explore the town on our own, so we went to an Irish pub (proud, Mom?), and ate our weight in french fries (notso proud, Mom?). We saw a man wearing a confederate flag. And I'm 99.8% sure he was serious about it. We named him Joe Six-Pack. Apparently he didn't get the memo his side lost.

It was getting near the time we needed to get back to the bus, but we decided ice cream was far more important than being timely. We ran like crazy (on ice and snow), running through blocked off areas, and accidently breaking a chain (way to go, Alex). Yea, we were last to the bus. But in a year from now, we'll be the ones remembering what an amazing day in Gettysburg we had, and all the well-behaved kids will forget the bus left late :)...and I'm in denial about having homework. The end for now.

Fun Facts

* D.C. as a city, is electrically charged. As in, you shock your friends on an hourly basis, your hair sticks to your face (really cute, you can imagine), and you don't know whether you're going to get inside or electrocute yourself when you put the key in your front door.
* I live in an apartment in NW Washington D.C., with 3 other Cal students. Pretty amazing.
* Red Line Metro > BART
* I work full-time in the U.S. Senate, but have lots of confidentiality rules strapped to my job so I can't actually refer to my boss by name on here. But I am more than happy to discuss via phone or skype!
* I'm the only press intern in my office.
* I have accidently ended up in both Virginia and Maryland. It's basically the same distance as it was for me to get the high school every morning.
* I'm taking 13.5 units (Politics of Theater and a Research Seminar), on Thursday nights and Friday mornings.
* Most of my life revolves around the inhabitants of 3 apartments in my building.
* I'm 10 weeks and 6 days from my 21st birthday. But who's counting.
* I got in the middle of an ongoing criminal investigation my first day of work on The Hill. True story.
* Grocery shopping without a car in the cold is more challenging than it sounds.
* Turns out Michigan is colder than D.C. Who knew?
* Watching people cut across from the Senate to Union Station is a lot like watching a pre-teen play Frogger. You can imagine.
* There are almost more sirens out of my window here than outside my house in Berkeley. Only instead because of assault, the ones here are for motorcades, etc.
* I was told that I lived in the Dead Zone during the Inauguration. Sweet.
* Snow sticks in your eyelashes. Which is cute until you really can't see a thing.
* I realize in 20 years I'm going to really appreciate being at Obama's Inauguration, but at the time I really thought I was going to die of hypothermia. 5 am-1 pm in freezing weather and 40 minutes of sleep. No bueno.
* I became deathly ill following the Inauguration and was basically the luckiest person in the world to have my family in town to take care of me.
* I am now fluent in the Bro Code, and was upgraded to "Bro" from "Brah" by our Michigan friends.
* Hill Humor basically makes my life. It's like living The West Wing, only slightly less classy and with a lot of young men who think they are significantly more witty than they are. Nonetheless, hysterical.
* Something I helped write is now in the Library of Congress.
* I have been so lucky with the people I've met here. Both in my building and at work.
* I work basically down the hall from where CNN films. Dana Bash and I are besties. That's a lie.
* I accidentally ice skated to work one day. That was cute.
* I've been on both CNN and CSPAN in the past 2 weeks. CNN was behind Kanye West though, and entirely unrelated to my doing anything important.
* Everything is free in D.C. That's exaggerating a little, but I mean nearly. Between public school and the Smithsonians, I'm set for life. If I could only stop spending money on food.
*My dad met Anderson Cooper during Inauguration weekend. Which is almost like me meeting him. Right?
* I broke my sunglasses weeks ago, which is fine because I've had zero need for them.
* Wearing pumps/speed walking in them all day hurts your front thighs.
* The Capitol Policemen are really nice. Women, notso much. Go figure.
* I need new nylons. In fact, I might invest in Hue.
* I'm having the time of my life, but I do miss my family and best friends back home. I'm thinking of you.
* At least 30 people a week want to tell you what a great time it is to be in D.C. And you just smile and nod, because it is so true and there is no denying it.

hello DC

So it started with my being fingerprinted by the FBI after being held in the Capitol Police's prisoner processing center, progressed to 2 nights in a row of concerts (I figure Adam Levine and I are BFFs now) supplemented by 3 nights of balls and the coldest, most exhausting day of my life (aka the 56th Inaugural)...
...and has most recently featured me on CSPAN literally crawling around between 8 senators or so in a Madoff Securities Fraud hearing, in a pencil skirt.

You know. The usual.